|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| I'm done.
I'm a bad, bad blogger.
Plus, I just don't think I need to do this anymore.
I need a place to record what I think and feel but I don't think I should do it where anybody can read it.
It's been a blast.
I went back to my LJ (http://www.livejournal.com/users/fixed_state/) and made all the entries public.
Or deleted them.
There are some things which just shouldn't be known.
Anyway, I'm making all the entries on here public.
For whoever cares to read them.
It's difficult to look back and even more difficult to let go.
But you can't live in the past or you'll have no future.
And I can't wait for my future.
Because you're in it.
Goodbye all. | | |
| My secret: I'm so in love with the ones who hurt me that I don't appreciate the one who loves me.
Saturday - Fireworks. I cleaned most of the day. Then we packed up, picked up Adam, picked up Dad and went to Spanish Banks. We claimed a spot on the beach and unpacked our picnic. My dad and little sister took off so me and Adam decided to go for a walk along the water. We rolled up our pants legs and strolled in the shallow warm water. We walked along and, in a sudden burst of romanticalness (walks on the beach at sunset tend to do that for me), I wrote our initials in a heart on the sand. We kept walking, talking about things like seaweed and stupid signs. As we were heading back towards the picnic, we were bickering about something when I saw the heart I had drawn. The bottom half of it had been washed away. I'm not very supertitous but I couldn't help thinking, 'Is our love strong enough to with stand the tides?'. Yes, I have cliched thoughts. So sue me.
We went back to the picnic and ate dinner with my family. After that, much badness. Jessica was supposed to come meet us with some friends but we couldn't find her and her cell phone died and I had a panic attack. I ended up giving up and going back to the blanket just before the fireworks. I was stressed over not finding Jessica and depressed over my thoughts earlier. Adam bought me a hot chocolate and we sat together on the big blanket with my family. The fireworks started. Adam snuggled up to me and whispered 'I love you.' My doubts evapourate. No matter what happens, I know we'll be strong enough. We've got each other.
Sunday - More goddamn cleaning. Adam came over. We went swimming. Came back. He had to leave. More fricking cleaning. Am finally done. Now I'm saying goodbye to Adam. I can't believe I won't see you or hear your voice for a week. You are so beautiful, with or without facial hair. I love you more than I have ever loved anything. I'm sorry I had to go.
'I need your loving like the sunshine
Everybody's gotta learn sometime...' | | |
| Just a side note.
I took a quiz about what type of romance I was.
I was surprised and a little saddened by what I got.
I never thought an Internet quiz could be true.
Your romance is more of a love that needs to bloom within, just like Hedwig of Hedwig and the Angry Inch. The film features an East German transsexual who is seeking her "other half" after constant betrayal. You must love yourself before you can need another. You're starting to realize this, along with the fact that you don't need a significant other to be a complete person. Your "other half" has been inside you all along. | | |
| I'm a bad, bad lady.
I went to the island.
My mom has a kidney stone.
But has to keep teaching because my dads show made negative money.
We are really really poor.
Badness.
In other news, me and Adam are doing great.
We had a fight, sorta.
But we're all better now.
We went to the beach.
<3
Tomorrow we're going to the fireworks.
I'm happier than I should be, given the cirumstances.
Some things are just too private to write on the Internet.
The most I can say is that my feelings are finally sorting themselves out.
Even though I never got closure, it fades.
I'm closing the door on that part of my life forever.
Cause if I don't, I know I won't open the next one.
And I am so sick of being stuck here.
So I'm leaving.
I have to pieces of my heart behind.
But I have to remember.
'To be free, one must give up a part of one's self.'
I so desparately want to be free. | | |
| I really need to update more often. Fuck.
Monday - Adam came over. He had a massive sunburn. My mom went out and bought him lotion and I pur it on his back. Damn, did it look painful. Then we went to the park and sat on a bench just outside the rose garden. We talked and cuddled, I even had a little nap. I'm becoming such an old lady.
Tuesday - Had lunch with Kevin Cripps. God, he's awesome. We talked about relationships, life, ice cream, napping, how annoying it is when you say 'I love you' and have the other person say 'ditto'. lol. He's such a great guy. He had to get home to paint his apartment so I headed home. As I was getting onto the 106 bus, I saw Ms. Richardson. Jerk. Anyway, I went home, watched some of Dogma and went to work. I worked at 'Other Freds', blowing up balloons and such. I actually got to see the show. Wowza. I had no idea that so much meaning could be put into such little dialogue and such slapstick comedy. Afterwards, I had dinner with Shawn. :D:D:D:D:D:D. My gay best friend is AWESOME to da max.
Wednesday - *sigh*. Two month anniversary. I can't believe it's only been two monthes. I went over to his place around 10. He was barely awake so we went back to bed. He has a comfy bed. What can I say? It's been awhile. Anyway, then we watched Blade Trinity, went for a walk, went to 711, watched Will & Grace and then I went home. I got home, was getting changed for work and saw my neck in the mirror. Uh oh. Work sucked, as usual. I had to walk around the island a few times, handbilling. But, all in all, I'd say it was a very good day.
Thursday - No work today. Score. Adam came over, we took a nap on the lawn chair. lol. We had some lunch but he got punched in the face yesterday which dislocated his jaw so he could barely chew. Sheesh. Colten came over and we watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail. It rocked, as always. We went for a walk, Colten was disgusted by me and Adam's PDA. lol. He managed to get himself invited for dinner. We ate, they left. Me and my mom went to Blockbuster and got Bridget Jones 2. Shh.
I really wish I could make it better for him. But I can't. The best I can do is give him those precious moments of escape. That's really I have to give. | | |
|
